Home > Date, Dating, Online Dating > Going Halfsies?

Going Halfsies?

Prior to my entrance into the world of online dating, I took part in a heated debate on whether a guy “lost points” if he didn’t offer to pay for the meal on the first date. The catch, to me, was the date in reference was set up through an online dating site. I argued that no guy should lose points if he accepted an offer from the girl to pay half. I was forcibly shut down by the three women and one man who took part in the debate. This was a few months ago, so their arguments are hazy, but the gist of it was that for reasons ranging from chivalry to respect to the idea that men must win women over, the guy should offer and pay for the first dinner in full, otherwise suffer the points loss.

A friend who I told about the discussion spoke to a friend of hers who had some experience with online dating. This friend of a friend agreed with me. Her argument, which was more valid than any I made, was that both parties, male and female, paid the money and sought the dates provided by dating sites. It wasn’t as if the couple met in a bar and the guy requested the girl’s number. If while online dating the guy was always expected to pay in full he could go through his bank account damn quick, especially if was having some success at getting dates.

When it comes to paying, I’ve always been the split-it-down-the-middle type. It’s not because I’m an uber feminist. The three boyfriends I’ve had made the same amount of money as I did. It didn’t seem fair that because they were men, they needed to bankroll our activities as a couple.

On the flip side, I can’t say I am not flattered when a man treats.

A co-worker who encouraged me to sign up for online dating said when the check comes along she always asks, “Can I help with that?” The phrase isn’t as specific as saying “Do you want to split it?” and, according to her, her date always appreciated that she offered, and 19 times out of 20, said something like, “No but thanks for asking.”

When I come to the “time to pay up” crossroads, I have to admit, despite valid arguments, I don’t think I’ll dock a man points if he accepts my offer to help. To me the test will be whether or not he asks me out again.

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Categories: Date, Dating, Online Dating
  1. August 19, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    Since I’m a web developer, the obvious question that comes to my mind is this: would you use a dating website wherein users who identified themselves as female could utilize it for free, while men had to pay slightly more to cover the cost?

  2. lady&herboysclub
    August 22, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    I may perhaps use such a site. It probably goes against principle, but, hey I’m all about FREE!

    Thanks for the thoughtful question.

    Happy almost college football season.

    C

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