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New love…

I’ve been cheating on WordPress.

Per a friend’s recommendation, I took a look around tumblr. I fell in love.

You can now find me posting regularly on http://seafox4.tumblr.com/.

It’s been real WordPress.

Peace out.

Categories: Uncategorized

Alone in a Snowstorm

Since Thursday night at approximately 8 pm I have not left my condo complex. Since Friday around noon I’ve been alone. And for a majority of the “alone time” it was snowing. This is what I learned about being alone in a snowstorm:

-The U.S. Postal Service may not deliver during a major snowfall, but the Sunday New York Times does the day after.

-Snow is heavy. This may sound silly to East Coast/Midwest folks. But for those of us from Southern California who have never had to dig a car out from over two feet of snow, this is new news. My shoulders are killing me.

-Being stuck in your house for 48 hours is fun when you aren’t sick. Usually when I’m home for this long it’s because I have a terrible head cold or other ailments. But being healthy and stuck equals getting a lot done. This included: laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing the bathroom, cleaning makeup brushes, organizing tax info, dusting, and filing.

-The perfect time to catch up on phone calls with close friends is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a view of the snow falling.

-Two feet of snow makes trees look magical, like props in a Tim Burton film, or scenery from a Dr. Seuss book.

Categories: Uncategorized

In Search of Momentum

Someone once told me it takes two weeks to form a habit. I am not good at forming habits. Maybe because it’s hard for me to do something consistently for two weeks.

For instance, exercising. I have to constantly switch up the type of exercise I do in order to have it hold my interest.

I suppose what it comes down to is that I’m not one for a routine. That’s probably why I enjoy my job. It’s constantly changing. There is always a new and different project to work on, a new technology to check out, and Web trends to keep up with.

Generally speaking what it takes for me to keep up with something, aside from a paycheck, is momentum. When it came to writing this blog I lost momentum. I had the support of friends, and fellow bloggers, and at the height of this blog’s success, I was writing about a subject that peaked people’s interest–dating. I had more free time because I was single.

I am not single at the moment. But I don’t want that to stop me from writing. So I’m going to try and force some momentum on myself. I tried that back in November, but here’s the difference, I’m making it my belated New Year’s resolution. So instead of January 1st, let’s say January 31st starts a new year, and a new commitment to keeping up this blog.

Categories: Uncategorized

Sports Love. Rick Reilly Style.

Two months ago I wrote a post about my love of sports. In it I mention my favorite sports columnist of all time, Rick Reilly. Yesterday, while sitting on the train surfing ESPN on my Blackberry, I came across his new column on why he loves sports. I thought I’d share.

Some highlights:

“Sports is real. It can’t be faked. If you’re Henry Fonda’s son and you want to act, you get to act. If you’re Chelsea Clinton and want to govern, you get to govern. But just because you’re Nolan Ryan’s son doesn’t mean you get to pitch in the Show.”

“Sports fans can be buried in a coffin that is painted in their favorite team’s colors and logo. Anybody buried in a Chicago Symphony Orchestra coffin lately?”

“Sports has honor. In a Texas girls high school volleyball playoff this season, one of the East Texas Christian Academy girls suffered a head injury and was taken away on a stretcher. The East Texas girls were too upset to continue and forfeited. But their opponents — Summit Christian — refused. They insisted on rescheduling. They said they couldn’t win that way. And yet last year in Alaska, Senator Ted Stevens (R) ran for reelection despite seven felony convictions.”

Categories: Uncategorized

No More Slacker Blogger

November 22, 2009 1 comment

At this moment I will not elaborate on why, but for now, this blog will no longer be about my adventures in dating. It may include stories of my dear friends adventures in dating…just not mine. But it will continue to chronicle my adventures in life.

While working through a fresh start with someone, I had a hard time deciding how to re-focus what I write here. But I knew I wanted to keep writing. This blog has received overwhelming support from my friends, and other bloggers. And I didn’t want to let them, or myself down.

But I’ve realized maybe I’ve been thinking too hard. Maybe I just need to start writing again, and a new focus will emerge all on its very own.

I’m 27 years old. I am a hard-working gal in the nation’s capital. I’m years beyond college, and even graduate school. But I have happily not yet found my way into the world of marriage and babies and property purchasing. I have a lot to say. I always have. And some of my friends seem to like reading what I have to say. So I’m going to keep writing…and see where the words take me.

Categories: Uncategorized

So It Goes.

One of my favorite bloggers, Whiteny Matheson of USA TODAY’s Pop Candy, posted a link a few weeks ago to the Website Contrariwise, which features images of people’s literary tattoos.

There is a series on the site based around the phrase “so it goes” from Kurt Vonnegut’s book Slaughterhouse-Five. Something I read said Vonnegut uses the phrase 116 times throughout the novel.

I will admit up front that I have not read the book. But I loved the phrase’s meaning, and how much it meant to the people who tattooed it on themselves. So far 16 people have posted a photo of their “So It Goes” tattoo, some of which are quite beautiful.

Lately I have been trying to remind myself that life has one, and only one, guarantee–death. Marriage, love, happiness, and so forth, can come and go with one word, or one sentence, or the closing of one door. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get more chances, or that life will be over because that one marriage, or that one relationship, ceases to exist.

I think for people like me, who like to exert a certain amount of control over life, it’s important to realize that every day will include hundreds of unplanned events, moments, and conversations. Some of it will be forgotten in minutes, or hours, others will change the course of my life. I can be afraid, or I can understand, that this is how life goes.

From the words of those with the tattoo:

“Nothing is ever absolute.”

“I’m a worrier and it reminds me that not everything is in my control.”

“life continues on no matter what the circumstances”

“…no matter what stupid mistakes i make, no matter who dies, no matter what celebrity gets breast implants, NO MATTER WHAT – life goes on. so it goes.”

Categories: Uncategorized

Sharing Some HaHas

Between the head cold that never ends, and my mother’s arrival on Wednesday, I have had no quality blog writing time this week. But wanted to post this link to bring laughter to the days of each and every person who reads this blog.

Please, for the love of funny, check out “Things My Boyfriend Says“, although fair warning some of it is not meant for a child’s eyes.

A few of the more P.C. highlights:

E’s financial planning.

“You shouldn’t buy me things. Save your money for unicorn rides or whatever it is girls spend money on.”

Cold feet.

me: I think it’s funny and cute that I get into bed and put my cold feet on you to warm them up and you frown but you don’t say anything.
e: That’s because I’m busy thinking loudly about hating you.

And if you laugh at what the boyfriend has to say just wait until you check out http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays.

A classic: “You’re gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it’s not the size of the asshole you worry about, it’s how much shit comes out of it.”

Enjoy! And Happy Friday!

Categories: Uncategorized

For Your Amusement

September 20, 2009 1 comment

I’m not sure the following audio clip is really the reason some girls stay single, but it’s amusing nonetheless. My roommate and I thoroughly enjoyed it, while also wondering how someone could possibly turn out like this guy. The friend that sent it to us asked the question “Is this for real?”

On the off chance it is, watch out for guys named Dimitri!
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny


Categories: Uncategorized

Walk On

September 14, 2009 Leave a comment
Lately, I have heard a lot about my own strength. People comment on how “strong” I am being as I stare down my family troubles and a broken heart. My question to them is do I have another choice?
Am I being strong? Or do people say that as a way to encourage strength? And is it strength, or just life?
I was listening to Pandora today at work and The Weepies started to play. It was a song I had never heard, “Can’t Go Back Now,” and before it was even over, I found the music video on YouTube and sent it to my best friend. It made her cry (hopefully in a good way). The lyrics follow (but I recommend clicking the link and watching the video. It features Deb Talan and Steve Tannen, the husband-wife duo, as puppets).

Yesterday, when you were young,
Everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own
But you find you’re all alone,
What can you do?

You and me walk on
Cause you can’t go back now.

You know there will be days when you’re so tired that you can’t take another step,
The night will have no stars and you’ll think you’ve gone as far as you will ever get

But you and me walk on
Cause you can’t go back now
And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be,
If you ever turn around, you’ll see me.

I can’t really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself

And you and me walk on
Yeah you and me walk on
Cause you can’t go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can’t go back now

I can’t go back to when my family was intact and I had my boyfriend by my side. All I can do is appreciate I had it while I did.
And now I’m taking steps all by myself. I don’t think that’s being strong. I think that’s living.
My friend’s mom, who I adore, left a comment on my Facebook status yesterday. She wrote, “We were just talking about you last night… and how you love life!”
I am fortunate that my instinct is usually to love life. That’s not to say I don’t complain, or have dark moments. But I never falter from my belief there is a way out of the hole.
My mother used to tell me, “You always have a choice.” I could chose to wallow in self-pity, which I occasionally do, or I can chose to find my way back to happiness. I think me being “strong” is me walking on, with those who love me behind me, in case I need to turn around.

Boyfriends Are Not Best Friends

September 3, 2009 Leave a comment

“I’ve lost my best friend.”

It’s a classic line, used by both males and females, when going through a break up.

It’s a lie.

My ex wrote in an email that among the hits to his social circle was him breaking up with his “best friend.”

I admit to also having used the line multiple times in my three months of singledom.

But as I spoke to one of my best friends last night, who happens to be going through a eerily similar break up, I realized that boyfriends, at least our ex-boyfriends don’t deserve that title.

Best friends never break your heart, and they rarely break a promise. In fact, best friends are your first call when someone else breaks your heart.

The title of “best friend” is earned through months or years of knowing each other, unlike the title of “boyfriend,” which can be bestowed after only a few weeks.

Best friends “get” you. They know your baggage. They know the right thing to say to you to make you feel better. I have yet to date a guy that gets me laughing when I’m crying as quickly as my best friends do.

Best friends will drop everything when you are in a crisis. They will leave the happy hour. They will reschedule whole weekends to be with you. And they will pick up the phone at 11 p.m. on a week night and, without a word exchanged, know that something is wrong. It’s their best friend-dar.

And finally, best friends don’t leave you. Under only the rarest of circumstances do you break up with your best friends. Best friends, if they are true, can be the thread you use when you stitch your heart back together after the one you loved has left you.

The point you get by now. No boyfriend I’ve had deserves claim on the title of “best friend.” I have a feeling most of my friends would say the same.

Love is Selling Online

August 24, 2009 2 comments

One of my best friends, and an avid supporter of my blog, sent me the link to this fairly amusing Advertising Age column Love for Sale: What Marketers Can Learn From Online Dating by Matt Brennock.

Brennock’s introduction includes the following paragraph.

“Those looking for love online may be lacking in fancy marketing degrees…and, more than likely, a healthy sense of reality. But give them due props for going about the business of selling with a similar acumen to most seasoned marketers. We can all learn a thing or two from the brave and the crazy, riding down, down into that cyber tunnel of love, for roughly $18 a month, or about $3 a whack job.”

I don’t consider myself crazy, or brave, for taking the very small leap necessary to join an online dating site. And while the writer’s arguments about how marketers can learn from people like me are intriguing, I’m not sure the best way to go about starting the column is to insult the thousands of people who don’t think it’s so very strange, or unrealistic, to find a date online.

Brennock follows up his introduction with a bullet point containing this line, “The vast majority of people out there are hurting, confused, bitter, uncertain, cynical and, yes, crazy. So, once you’ve weeded out those potential targets, you’re left with only a small percentage of people who are at their keyboards with arms wide open.”

I’m guessing he isn’t spot on with this one. The friends I have who have successfully, or unsuccessfully, tried online dating have gone into it believing it was one more way to find a booty call, a date, or a relationship. I would not have described the online-daters who are friends or friends of friends as any of the six adjectives Brennock lists above. I don’t disagree that some people who online date fall into those categories, I just don’t think, without evidence, the sad, pathetic group should be claimed the “vast majority.”

Further down the page, the writer started to make a bit more sense to me. I am fully aware that when it comes to my online profile, a man’s first impression is based on the nine photos I have posted. And I agree that knowing the argument for why that is can help marketers.

On this subject Brennock writes, “We are all biologically programmed to be ‘about looks.’ Apple has built a small empire based on its remarkable aesthetic.”

I work online. I often hear co-workers gripping about the low quality ads that appear on sites they frequent. A close-up of belly fat or a dancing hot dog don’t do the trick with my 20 or so cubicle mates. You’d think good marketers would start taking some lessons from Apple and clean up their look.

Brennock nears the ends his strange ode to online dating with the following: “Forget metrics and science and whatever else they teach in business school. While the tools of communication change, the truth will always come down to this: We are just people trying to connect with other people in the same way we always have, whether we’re selling love or linen sheets.”

And on that point, I can agree.

The New Normal

August 23, 2009 2 comments

My college best friend told me on the phone I sound like me again. Yesterday my roommate said I seemed much happier lately. And I have caught myself frequently singing in the car (to happy songs!)

I woke up three weeks ago hungover and sad. I had hit the latest “bottom.” As cheesy as it sounds, I sat in bed and gave myself two options–wallow in self-pity or push off the bottom and start making my way back to the surface. I didn’t know how much further down the “down” could go, but I didn’t want to find out.

I went on yelp.com and found out where to take beginner yoga classes in Silver Spring. I joined an online dating service. I started this blog. I began eating healthier. I found joy in being with my girlfriends. And I started going out on Friday nights with co-workers or Bocce teammates who introduced me to their friends.

This morning when I was reading Modern Love, my favorite column in the Sunday New York Times, the exact expression I had been looking for to describe my rise was written in a single line, “This was the new normal.”

The column’s writer was dealing with a break-up and a bout of breast cancer. In my case, I have been dealing with my parents rocky divorce and my own break-up. And though our pain was different, Judy Smith of Seattle and I had come to the same conclusion. We needed to accept our “new normal.”

My parents are leading separate lives. For the first 26 years of my life my mom and dad were together. They aren’t anymore. When I call my mom at the house, I can’t reach my dad. And some years, at Christmas, I’m going to have to pick. But I still have both my parents, and my little brother, and they still love me and want to spend time with me.  The time spent together has just taken on a new form.

I am single. I don’t have a last call of the day or someone to wake up next to. My best friend is out walking the world on his own, and I don’t get to know what he’s doing or if he’s okay. He’s not my best friend anymore. But I get to spend time with old friends and make new ones. And I get to write this blog, which means I get to write, something I didn’t even know I missed.

I will get to have butterflies again some day. And experience the wonder of falling in love.

My “new normal,” compared to so many others’ “normal,” is fairly fantastic. Buried beneath the sadness and pain of the last year, I found “me” again. It’s nice to be back on the surface. It’s easier to “be” up here.